🦋 💜 🌿 Hi!

​

How have you been doing?

It's been a minute since I emailed. If you are new to my email FunLetters, for a long time I've sent them weekly.

​

But I did something really cool!

And I told no one.

​

I've took a vacation last month to go to Italy and France!

Really enjoying my life over the last few weeks and just totally focusing on being in the moment.

​

If you’re like, “Oh, I didn’t know you were on vacation,” that’s because it was planned a bit late and because I sometimes I like to tell people after I do something cool like a vacation.

​

While other people may really enjoy posting a selfie while they are in a wonderful location, I just like to be in the moment, in my own bubble away from the rest of the world.

​

I also just really like my privacy.

I think privacy is highly underrated.

​

A I an unlikely person to like privacy?

​

It’s funny because only four or five years ago, I considered sharing my thoughts and feelings with others via my writing to be basically the point of my life.

​

And if I were looking at myself from the outside, I would think a love of privacy would be a complete and utter bad fit for my personality, given that for over a decade, I was kindof an open book.

​

But nope, even as I have been lauded for being brave to share about my feelings, and my life authentically, there are always things I have held close to the chest. No body knows what they don’t know. ;)

​

In fact, I think telling a good story is as much about what you choose to keep in, as what you choose to leave out:

(because of your own comfort, or because it takes away from the story).

​

Still, after 25+ years writing and publishing nonfiction about my life, I’ve stretched myself past my shyness many times. Shared and shared so many things,

​

And then something changed.

I wanted something new.

​

I went to Japan, which took me out of my habit of sharing my thoughts to instant feedback.

​

It isolated me in a timezone where everyone back home was asleep while I was awake.

​

And it began to make me realize...I desired a sort of retreat.

​

Retreat has some connotations. I don’t mean retreat as in defeat.

​

Imagine a ballon being stretched–it reaches a limit, right? And then what?

You stand forever with it stretched out?

​

Nah, you get tired of holding the tension and then you let go.

​

Retreat to me right now feels like a contraction after I’ve expanded to the farthest I can stretch.

​

At a certain point once I have stretched and stretched, I’m tired.

​

And a retreat is also the only place I can really go if I want to embrace change. For me personally.

And I do embrace change, oh that I do.

I haven’t been as regular in my weekly Funletters this past month because I have been off doing some things in my personal life. Fun and happy things.
​

And it's possible that may happen again.

I want to keep the focus on being in the moment.

​

I got to spend time with my husband, be in nature, be me, and not worry about anyone else, and it felt really good, so I hope to keep doing that.

​

Overall, I am glad I experienced the change in pace.
​

I’m glad I gave myself permission to break my own rules, bust out of my structure, be off my typical schedule, and just not write for a bit.
​

​

How this Relates to You

​

But let’s talk about this on another more universal level, because it’s bringing up thoughts that may help you in your own writing. …

​

So here it is:

Setting goals like writing a weekly email can be good.

​

Typically goals and structures like, “Write X emails in X time” are a great place to start if you aren’t in the habit of writing, yet, or are shy about sharing what you’ve written.

​

But…I also think it’s important sometimes to step off the hamster wheel.

​

I’m very much into balance. There is a time for everything.

But I don’t see this balance discussed by other people much at all.

​

All I hear is, "consistency, consistency, consistency."

​

Consistency has become more than a buzzword these days.

​

For writers, for business owners – consistency has become a drug. Practically an addiction.

​

And it has also become the place to met out judgement.

​

What this looks like - is thinking the question, “How well am I doing?” is equivalent to, “How consistent am I?”

​

It means making the instant connection, "I'm not consistent enough...and that's bad."
​

What does success even mean?

​

An obsession with consistency can cause you major confusion about what success really means.
​

The actual measure of whether you are consistent or not doesn’t ACTUALLY relate to your main goals or personal definition of success.

​

The consistency is supposed to be a tool to get to success, not the measure of success itself.

​

For instance– if you want to write a really good book, and you set a goal to write daily, you might start beating yourself up if you miss a week.

​

Meeting the weekly goal can seem like the only thing that matters.

​

But the thing is that the point isn’t actually to be consistent, right?

The point is to write a good book that you feel proud of.

​

Because, you could also write a bunch of crap every day and be consistent.

And honestly, most writing advice would be to do just that, and trust the process that the flow of writing will lead to something really amazing.

​

Maybe it would.

Maybe writing on a schedule regardless of quality could benefit you.

It could help you build a habit, maybe some parts are good, etc.

​

But here's the thing...

maybe the actual book you write would still be total crap.

Maybe it would even be so bad you could even edit it into something worthwhile.

​

I'm going to tell you straight up:

This has happened to me.

​

I’ve done NaNoWriMo, a challenge to write daily to write a novel in a month. I did it a lot of times, and most of those drafts were too horrible to do anything with.

​

Sometimes taking more time to write something will make it a higher level of quality. Sometimes take a little rest when you have nothing good to offer is a good idea. (And yes it can be hard to tell the difference between this and mere procrastinating sometimes, I'm happy to chime in if you need a second opinion!)

​

But taking a needed pause can be a better use of time than trying to rush through things, just for the purpose of consistently hitting a writing goal.

Because the point is you want to write something good not just check off a todo list.

​

A Time for Everything

​

I'm being contrary to most writing advice saying this, just so you know there is a time for everything.

​

There are times it's beneficial to not be consistent, not writing daily, etc.

if that’s what actually allows you time to process, learn, think, develop, and come up with ideas that will enrich your writing and ultimately result in a much better book.

​

There isn’t one right way to do writing. People are different, and different seasons call for different things, as well.

​

CONSISTENCY is only one ingredient – the goal, the timing, and the purpose of it all (aka your real goal) also matter.

​

For instance, an obsession with consistency itself won’t necessarily help you write a book that is enduring and good. So if that is your real goal, consistency is a separate thing from the true definition of success.

​

You might want to consider your writing quality to see if you are on track with your goal, not necessarily focusing solely on your consistency.

​

Writing for Business

​

Just a side not for my entrepreneurs who want to write to market their business.

We need to examine consistency carefully here as well.

​

What’s the real goal of business?

Is it really to be consistently posting on social media, etc?

​

No. The point of business is to make money, ya’ll. In general, that’s the point.

Perhaps posting on social media etc. is a tool to do that (if it works).

​

And yes – I tend to work with entrepreneurs who also really want to help people.
​

Luckily you can do that as you write, share, and market yourself even without paying customers.

​

I love win-wins like this, and writing is a great way to invite people into your world, your business, and help people for free along the way, too.

​

But many people are hyper focused on consistency, telling themselves–if you email weekly, post on social media daily, etc., etc. then you are on track with your business.
​

But it isn't necessarily true...

At the end of the day you have to take a review of those things you are trying to be “consistent” at and ask yourself if it REALLY is resulting in you making you money or if perhaps you should try some other things.

​

For example, I focused on posting to social media daily for a literal decade.

My consistency was on point. But it took me a long time to realize that the time I was putting into that outlet was actually not equal to the payoff.
​

There were many lovely things I got out of it, including cool people I stayed in touch with, and connections made, and there were some sales made, etc. etc. etc.

But it became harder and harder over the years to get my writing seen on social media. Things change.
​

It also had costs including costs to my mental health. More and more people are noticing these apps are influencing our brain chemistry in negative ways.

And if I am hooked onto social media, I’m just not thinking my best, living my best life, creating my best, enduring, good writing, and so on. So daily use of social media takes away from some of my real goals in life.

​

Now I don't put any pressure on myself to show up in social media daily. I pop on when I want to, I schedule posts, and I have found a better balance for myself.

​

In Sum

​

Consistency itself isn’t the be all end all when it comes to writing or marketing.

​

The actual goals you have in life need to be clear.

And the goals need to be revisited.

​

And whatever you are putting energy into being consistent at needs to ACTUALLY help you achieve real goals.

​

You have to reflect on it and be real about the ROI.

​

Wether you want to write a really good, enduring, high quality book, or article;

get sales in your business so you can pay your bills;

or make a visible impact like when people message you to say they really appreciated what you shared….

​

You got to stop staying in a prison of consistancy if the thing you want to do consistently doesn’t move the needle of your real goal.

​

Bonus Goal

​

Speaking of real goals...

at the end of the day, I invite you to take on the goal of being your own best friend.

​

There has to be a limit to what kind of pressure and expectation you are going to put on yourself. That there has to be a limit to how much you push.
​

Even if you do something consistent that is good (like me and this email newsletter) sometimes you are going to need a break.

​

You’ll need to get out of the structure YOU created yourself.

​

Feel into this and see if resonates. If it doesn't right now, that's totally fine, but maybe it will later on.

​

Please let yourself break free for a while. Don’t be a jail keeper.

​

And while you are at it, here's some productive inner work you can do and journal about:

​

Get to know the part of you that needs escape and understand their reasons.
​

Remember:

​

Every part of you has some interesting things to say,

including the so-called "bad, lazy, unproductive" part of you that might be saying,

“Screw consistency, I want to change, I want something else. I want a vacation!"

​

They are trying to be heard in this shaming culture that looks down on anyone who commits the crime of being inconsistent or unproductive.

​

If you believe that your freedom matters, by taking time to listen, explore and let things unfold, maybe you'll discover something that helps you feel more alive.

​

Maybe you’ll find out that the thing you are being consistent at isn’t fully related to your most important goals.

​

Maybe you will realize that there is somewhere else you need to focus on to reach those goals.

​

Or maybe you’ll find an even more important goal to pursue.

​

Including my favorite: being your own best friend!

​

LETS BE FREE TOGETHER!

​

P.S. Stay tuned for an update on my next coworking session to dive into juicy questions like this live with me. Will say more in a future email. Much love.

​

​

xo

Thanks for reading

​

​

​ ​​ Visit my website ​​ ​ Get writing with me: ​ * Activate your writing: Self-study 7 Layer Writing Activation E-Course ​ ​ * Get motivated + optimistic: Self-study Optimism Program​ ​ ​* Write to serve others: 2 Month Faster Progress Package​ ​ * Organize your ideas: Self-study Digital Organization Club (coming soon) ​

​